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Reggie Bush's Endlessly Reductionist Deposition

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Following is the full text of those portions of Reggie Bush's planned deposition in the Lloyd Lake breach of contract lawsuit that have been made public to SMQ.
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In March of 2005, did you use Michael Michaels' credit card to charge more than $2,000 in hotel stays in San Diego and Las Vegas?

Bush: The rise in the general price level attributed to an increase in the volume of money and credit relative to available goods and services has rendered any concept of monetary value that might have seemed true in March 2005 obsolete. Under current conditions, it is not possible to speculate on the value of any so-called "stay" in any establishment, if such stay did indeed occur within the city limits of the jurisdicitions described, which I do not recall and cannot confirm given the insufficiency of information based on impermanent definitions of the subjective concept, "value."

In April 2005, did your mother and stepfather move into a 3,000-square foot home purchased by Michaels, with the understanding he would be paid after you were drafted?

Bush: If by "understanding" you mean "the power to make experience intelligible by applying concepts and categories," I would say, no, there was no application of conceptual or categorical intelligence in the so-called transaction. No.

Don't ask if you don't wanna know.
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Did New Era Sports pay you almost $13,000 to buy a black 1996 Chevrolet Impala SS in Los Angeles?

Bush: Well, that would depend on your definintion of "black," which as we know is variable subject not only to personal experience and perception in the presence of specific conditions in which the reflection and absorption of light, shadow and vantage point are ideal, but also shifting scientific, governmental and cultural standards. What was "black" in 2005 may not be considered "black" today. Is the car "black"? What about when it's covered in dust*? Is Barack Obama "black"? These are subjective criteria to the extent that no agreement may be entered into with any predictive commitment to the nature of the eventual purchase. So the answer must be "No."

Did you say in a December 2005 phone call after winning the Heisman that your relationship with New Era was still on despite fractures between the agency and your family?

Bush: The nature of fractures as I understand it applies to minerals rather than informal human relationships that may or may not exist. I have no concept of the act or process of breaking or the state of being broken outside of bauxite, or perhaps aenigmatite, Na2Fe2+4Fe3+2Si6O20, under proper conditions.

Were you present at a February 2006 meeting with Michaels and his attorney in which the two were patted down and your representatives offered a $100,000 settlement?

Bush: If by "present," you mean physically in the hypothetical room, if such room existed under the circumstances described, then that presence by definition must be based on the a posteriori unification of empirical evidence with the senses to create a priori reality. Leibniz could not conceive of any reality at all as without such genuine unity, but quantum study has made self-evident the disconnect between our senses and the so-called "reality" of matter conceived as `particles' generating `forces' or `fields' in `space' and `time.' In fact, as Locke and Kant suggest along with Bishop Berkeley, our conception of "reality" is an individual construction of the mind's synthesis of sensual stimuli, which in itself is only a fleeting perception of imprecise, constantly moving waves consisting of energy transfers in a perpetual state of flux. By the time we perceive what we describe as `reality,' the physical basis for that perception has changed innumerably. As von Uexkull said, "We know that there is not one space and one time only, but that there are as many spaces and times as there are subjects." So there is no sound basis for hypothesizing any individual's "presence" in a fixed moment in a purely theoretical "time" and "space."

Is that guy flashing a .22?

Bush: [Icy, silent stare.]

Thank you for your time, Mr. Bush.

Bush: Let's bounce.

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* Mr. Bush would like to note for the record that the reference to one of his vehicles "covered in dust" is strictly theoretical and would never occur in reality, subjective or otherwise, or there will be hell to pay for some Mexicans.