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Its Unusually Early Spring Practice Date Is Further Proof of My School's Superiority

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By Jordan Osment
Auburn Fan

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It still hasn't really sunk in yet. Amidst all the coaching changes and the rush to update the depth chart based on those lying recruiting rankings, it's important to slow down, savor this moment and reflect on it.

Earliest spring start date in the state, baby. Hell, earlier than LSU, earlier than Georgia, earlier than Florida, Tennessee, Arkansas. The calendar don't lie. And this year, it's looking at spring practice dates, and it's saying, "Commitment is a War Eagle."

Five years ago, I didn't care about spring practice. I still thought about football as a fall-winter thing. I didn't understand the stakes of getting our young men on the field and working to improve under the best damn coaching staff in the land while your unreformed thugs are still woofing down Valentine's candy en route to a DUI. You think you've raised the stakes? I don't see your team strapping 'em on in February.

That's right: February 28. Take your 90,000 and suck on that.

I can hear the haters now, talkin' trash to cover their inferiority complex. Oh, spring practice doesn't matter. It's just practice, man, we're talkin' about practice. I didn't hear y'all saying that last year. But now that the tables have turned, "Oh, it's just practice." You know what practice makes, right? Yeah: perfect. As in 13-0 SEC champions in 2004 perfect. We had a new offensive coordinator then and we have a new offensive coordinator now. Coincidence? We were underrated then just like we're underrated now. And our hard working future stars are hitting the field earlier and harder than you lazy, palm-greasing punks.

Oh, the Tide will roll, all right...they'll roll into the stadium off a forklift after two extra weeks of swag, bon bons and statutory rape.

The polls don't matter. Your lying crook coach's ridiculous salary don't matter. The recruiting rankings sure as hell don't matter. How many people your cow college pays off to put in the stands for the cameras don't matter. What matters is what happens between the lines. On the practice field. In February. That's where champions are made, son.

And we're making 'em two weeks ahead of y'all. Damn, it's great to be the best.