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This Is Alabama Football

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By which I reference not the University of Alabama, but the state of the sport in general under the extremist sway of Saban Mania in the Yellowhammer State, wherein two of the sport's most fanatical pursuits - the aforementioned game of football and shooting guns - came together Saturday in depressingly unsurprising fashion:

WETUMPKA, Ala. --  Three Prattville High School students and a Montgomery teenager have been charged with murder in a fatal shooting that apparently occurred after an argument over whether Wetumpka or Prattville has a better high school football team.
Elmore County Sheriff Bill Franklin added this...
"I have spoken with the parents of these young men and told them their sons need to stay in jail for a while," he said. "That's for their own protection. I don't want anybody from Wetumpka thinking they can ride over to Prattville Saturday or Sunday night and settle the score."

...which makes him sound like Atticus Finch outside the jail, guarding against would-be vigilantes. By god, somebody has to stand up for civilization here.

Now you best just turn right on around, Wetumpka, and we'll settle this on the field!

(Via The Legend of "Bully" Van De Graaff)