"You're really a cheerleader most of the time down on the sideline. ... I enjoyed being upstairs, I really did. I sat down, had a nice time, had a cup of coffee. I felt like a newspaper guy. I was even able to watch television."
Paterno: on his way up. Seriously - where's the elevator?
- - -
In fact, Paterno could probably just spend Saturdays at home, sending in plays via telegraph and carrier pigeon while he rakes his yard, finally. That would make it much easier on him, without all the travel and yelling and decision-making, and really, you should see that hellhole of a flower bed after all this time. Jesus. And if a concussed Luther Van Damme can demonstrate his savantish genius for defense by catching the winning tell (a Western Texas offensive lineman sticks his big butt in the air before pass plays) from his makeshift hospital room beneath the stadium during the pivotal moments of the Pioneer Bowl, Zombie JoePa can probably do it in his sleep. Which sounds pretty great right about now, actually.
Leave the last word on the matter to Ron Zook:
"Gosh, he has forgotten more football than most of us know."
Emphasis mine, because, gosh, there are so many layers of nerve-bearing truth in that statement, so much more brutal honesty than Zook could have possibly intended...the mind, it boggles...