When SMQ imagined Mike Leach's reaction to clock changes by the NCAA rules committee earlier this week, it should have gone without saying that the pirate coach himself would top all efforts at fantasy and satire without breaking a sweat. And so he does, in Friday's Lubbock Avalance-Journal (tip of the 10-gallon hat to Seth at Double T Nation), in a story that sets the scene for a virtuoso performance in reactionary absurdity thusly:
When he pulls his entire team together for what some fans jokingly call "come-to-Leach" meetings, the Texas Tech football coach will have to get his point across faster than ever.
One aspect of the profession Leach has yet to master, it seems, is getting his point across quickly. And the 30-second cut in timeout length, from 90 seconds to sixty, doesn't exactly reward his brand of patience.
Here's Leach on whether he can condense sideline talks:
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Leach on the cognitive dissonance at work in concocting different aspects of the new rules:
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Leach on the very premise of the necessity of shorter games to begin with:
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Leach on the committee's personal time management skills:
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Leach on coaching as act of corporate subversion:
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Now I got no patience
So sick of complacence
With the D the E the F the I the A the N the C the E
Mind of a revolutionary
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Leach on how corporate overloads might leverage subversive coaching strategies for preferential treatment:
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Leach, acting consistently in his rational self-interest, must be aware here that penalties are irrelevant, and certainly Ragnar Danneskjold would approve.