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The Rap Sheet

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By Matt Hinton
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The week in crimes, misdemeanors and eligibility-crippling issues legal, academic, institutional and otherwise.

We begin this week with what Marlon Lucky's family would like to make clear was not a crime in any way, but rather a medical issue: the running back's collapse at his apartment last weekend.

The Lincoln Journal-Star reported Lucky was released from BryanLGH Medical Center West Thursday after spending some time in the intensive care unit very early in the week. On Tuesday, his family issued a press release to address rumors:

"We would like to make it clear that Marlon's medical emergency did not come about as a result of the use of alcohol or any illicit drugs," the statement said. "We are very appreciative of the thoughts and prayers for Marlon during this time."

Lucky is set to return to workouts "as soon as possible," according to Bill Callahan. No word on any possible cause of the collapse, or whether it might have been facilitated by the same joker who slipped former Husker coach Frank Solich GHB last summer.

Indicted, and on Valentine's Day, no less, Texas Tech linebacker Julius Howard and former Raiders Jerred Rashad Hunt and Dmitri Lott, who were accused of...wait for it...raiding a "habitation" last year. Zing! The three were arrested in a traffic stop a few days before Halloween with a laptop and other junk that matched descriptions of reportedly missing items.

Hunt and Lott were dismissed after the arrest, but Howard? Mike Leach, actual owner of an improbable law degree from prestigious Pepperdine University, is a defender of justice and born defense attorney:

Leach said Tuesday that he believes Howard is innocent, based on the facts he has gathered.

"Unless that proves to be incorrect, our position is the same," he said. "He's on the team in good standing."

SMQ, of course, is ambivalent re: anyone's guilt, but he cannot express how very, very badly he wishes for Leach's process of "gathering facts" to include a magnifying glass and dressing gown for deep thinking.

If he can do it, Leach can do it. Nietzsche didn't even have a law degree.*
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Continuing a rough week for the Big XII, the NCAA accused a third Oklahoma player of accepting "excessive" pay from the same car dealership that cost Rhett Bomar and J.D. Quinn their scholarships before last season, and ordered the Sooners to represent at a hearing of the NCAA committee on infractions in April. SMQ attempted to mock the Association's decision on Tuesday, but found it rather tough going.

Recommended, by Naval Academy Vice Admiral Rodney Rempt, the expulsion of former quarterback Lamar Owens, one of the stars of the Middies' rout over Colorado State in the 2005 Poinsettia Bowl. This despite Owens' acquittal of rape charges in front of a military tribunal last year, which did find him guilty of "conduct unbecoming an officer" and "denying a lawful order." Such a trial itself was fairly rare after allegations of assault at the academy at the time of Owens' alleged offense, and defense lawyer Rudy Weingarten said the "unsatisfactory conduct" was merely "a few minutes of poor judgment in a dorm room." But location, apparently, will not get anyone off the hook with the Navy:

Owens was still eligible for administrative discipline for breaking rules that include a prohibition against having sex in an academy dorm.
(Emphasis SMQ's)

Look, if the fighting academies of our fine nation are having problems drumming up recruits, and officers insist the numbers have nothing to do with the conflict in Iraq, SMQ has at least one suggestion where to start.

* - One RS Prussia tiffany and satin finish demitasse chocolate pot  to the first commenter who can identify what subjects Nietschke did study at the Schulpforta and the universities of Bonn and Leipzig.

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Have a tip for "The Rap Sheet," stoolie? E-mail SMQ at sundaymorningqb-at-yahoo.cøm to report nefarious deeds.

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