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TUESDAY GRAB BAG

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Because I'm not doing the news Hub in-season, I don't get around to the random filler. And Tuesday afternoons exist for a reason, it is random filler:

Bring us his head! And...yeah, his head, too. Keep bringing us heads until you get it right. I've been doing this in earnest for about three years, and stil, Bruins Nation continues to be my favorite site about anything in the days following any UCLA loss. Or pretty much anytime, really, since even Bruin wins over anyone but USC are usually met with the angst of knowing Karl Dorrell is that much further from the chopping block. Even more than winning, getting rid of KD is priority one; Dorrell is so bad UCLA can only succeed in spite of him, and is better off just biting the bullet now to ensure his dismissal.


You'll get `em next time, big guy.
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I'm certain a fascinating psychological study could me made concerning such intense, quixotic contempt, especially since UCLA seems committed to winning the ESPY for "Most Maddening Team of the Decade." A movement devoted to serving up Greg Robinson's head, for example, or Tyrone Willingham's, doesn't have to endure a lot of hand-wringing - it's been a pretty straight shot to the bottom of the barrell for their programs, and there have been virtually no stray beams of hope. A "movement" would be redundant, basically, with what any fool can see on the field.

Not so with Dorrell, whose teams are always just good enough to keep him in tow and just bad enough to leave the faithful fundraising for `Dump Dorrell' billboards amd writing things like this on a weekly basis:

I hate Karl Dorrell for putting all of us in this position in Bruin Nation.

He deserves zero sympathy for sucking total life out of UCLA football.

So don't think about feeling sorry for a loser like him.

GO BRUINS.
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Well, to put it kindly. L.A. did just follow up an affirming win over Cal by losing to last place Washington State by three touchdowns, in a game that wasn't really as close as all that.

It's going to be some day when BN gets its pound of bland Dorrellian flesh, and to that end, today is something of a high water mark for the site, as its patient, non-stop stalking gets its first taste of official blood, courtesy of A.D. and longtime Dorrell stalwart Dan Guerrero:

Two days after UCLA lost 27-7 at Washington State, Guerrero was predictably vague in discussing Dorrell's status, particularly since the Bruins (5-3, 4-1 Pac-10) are in second place in the Pacific-10 Conference, and are still in control of their own destiny in regards to the league title.

"The weekend in Pullman (Wash.) was difficult for us," Guerrero said. "We are all disappointed with the performance and with the outcome of that game, but the reality is we still have our destiny in our hands. We have four tough games, two on the road, two at home, and obviously we're going to need to perform at a high level to win those football games.

"I will be very interested to see how we finish the season this year."
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Translation: Dorrell is meat, and the sharks want him tossed overboard. If Dorrell wins less than three of the last four - or maybe even if he wins three, if the one loss is a blowout at USC - they're certain they'll have their bounty, at last.

So certain, in fact, that forward-thinking haters are already feeling out the transition period, and making pretty clear that "Dump Dorrell" will morph seamlessly into "Dump DeWayne" if the next hire isn't more compatible with their specifications for a proven winner:


Hey, we all have days like this...
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...we're headed for a break up.  And though I know some of you aren't as optimistic as myself, I firmly believe that KD is history.  Sure, I'm literally knocking on wood while I write this, but dude is gone.  You don't need me to tell you why.  But, dude is gone.
[. . .]
So, be it tomorrow, or December 3, we won't be talking about KD (or CTS, as Fox 71 likes to call him).  We'll be talking about KDR -- Karl Dorrell's replacement.

Given this, the question that should be most pressing on our minds is:  will KDR be Mr. Right, or will he be the Rebound Guy?

We already have some good candidates for Mr. Right.  But I'm way more worried that we'll end up with the Rebound Guy.  And the guy I'm most worried about is DeWayne Walker.  Mr. Rebound himself.
[. . .]
What would be gained by firing KD right now (as opposed to the end of the season)?  Mostly, imho, it would be emotionally satisfying.  It would also would eliminate the increasingly narrow (I say virtually non-existent) chance that KD somehow saves his hide.  And, sure, it is the principled, logical thing to do under the circumstances.  But, more practically speaking, there isn't that much.  What I see, more importantly, is terrible risk.

Here are my assumptions.  Sure, they shouldn't be true, but they are:

• DG won't hire the towel guy, or Dick Vermiel, or any one else, as an interim coach.  If there is an interim coach installed, it will be Rebound Guy.

• If the Rebound Guy is made interim coach, there will be tremendous inertia to hire Mr. Rebound is as head coach.

• If the Rebound Guy ends the season on even a slightly promising note (a win against any of ASU, Oregon or Southern Cal), DG will not conduct a thorough coaching search, and after going through the Bob Fieldian motions, Rebound Guy will be our new head coach.   

• Once the Rebound Guy is hired, he will be our head coach for at least four years.

Dispute any of these if you wish, but I think those assumptions are rock solid.  I wish they weren't, but they are.  

My friends, we are at a critical juncture.  Forgive the drama, but we are literally hanging on the precipice.  The wheels are in motion.  Our university has accepted a second cocktail from the Rebound Guy.  And she's headed to his car to go for a drive.
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Personally, I can't imagine Bruins Nation without poor ol' KD to kick around, and I'm not sure I want to. I have to root for the Bruins to regroup (again) and finish with nine or ten wins, just enough for another year, because the day Dorrell is gone will be the end of the truly defining effort of long-suffering coach hating in the early Web era. And I, for one, am not ready for that epic sojourn to end. It's too much fun. And what are they going to do then, anyway, move to Clemson?

This is Penn State, bitch! Louder, fans, louder! Let the world know who you are...

In fairness, they were only trying to live up to their coaches' example. Or their players'. Or their other players'...

(Via EDSBS, though, yes, it is ridiculous to post anything that's already been posted on EDSBS. After my super polite weekend in Austin, this is just the breath of rancid, uncivilized air I need).

Projections of Boredom. ESPN has the first earnest, very official Bowl Projections I've seen this season, and between Mark Schlabach and Ivan Maisel, bless them, they can't find one compelling matchup outside of the BCS. Are you ready for Wake Forest and South Florida on New Year's Day?!

Even within the Series, both think Hawaii is going to qualify for the Sugar Bowl. Hawaii, as in ARRRRGGHH!!! STOP RANKING HAWAII!!! Hawaii. In the Sugar Bowl. Dennis Dodd agrees.  Only he "staff" of the dreaded College Football News, of all places, has the wisdom to keep Hawaii where it belongs: in Hawaii. Although CFN also picks West Virginia to leap Boston College, LSU, Oklahoma and the Oregon/Arizona State winner to play for the mythical championship, so, you know...

Most interesting, besides the fact that the prestigious International Bowl bid is a toss-up between either Ball State or Buffalo (!), is that both men still see USC as an at-large behind Pac Ten champ Oregon in a big money bowl (the Rose in Maisel's case, the Fiesta for Schlabach) and think current leader Arizona State, with the Ducks and Trojans still in front of it, is destined to fall all the way to the Holiday Bowl.


The Hospitality State was happy to host your minimally-rendered filth, Tu.
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You don't want those lobsters. Last and least (only because he still has Hawaii ranked), Jonathan Tu's legndary travelling sideshow  rolled into Hattiesburg for Sunday night's debacle against Central Florida, presumably with an omnipresent, Pigpen-like cloud of dust and grime that must be orbiting his filthy body by this time. Tu hasn't posted anything about his trip yet, but I had to ask him privately what he thought of SMQ's old stomping grounds (e-mail reprinted without permission, because permission, like an Ohio State jersey in Happy Valley, is for bitches):
Well, the bars closed at midnight. And I adjusted my clocks but not my head, which means that I missed kickoff because I thought the game was at 8 PM Central because, again, my head needs adjusting.
 
But your Assistant AD John Miller gave me a free 50 yarder in an envelope marked "Super Fan!!!" with smilies for the periods under the exclamations. And the two girls singing at Mug Shots were pretty good. And there's a new game there called Lobster Dive or something like that, which is basically like a run of the mill claw game but instead of grabbing dolls or iPods or whatever, it's live lobsters. Which you get to cook and eat. It's more Vegas than Vegas, which is both good and bad.
 
The game was thoroughly forgettable excepting that sweet ass vault from #25. You guys need, like, tacklers.
 
I'm leaving here for Nawlins pretty soon, but still glad I came.

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I couldn't agree more re: the tacklers/lack thereof and Jeremy Fletcher's sweet, head-over-heels vault in the third quarter, but Mug Shots? A mistake, in my experience, as the name probably implies to anyone who's ever been in a college town (though my experience never included the lobster thing, which is just bizarre).

And the bars closing at midnight is only a Sunday thing - it's 2 a.m. every other day of the week. Though, seeing that most of the surrounding counties are dry and blue laws are still pretty prevalent in the Pine Belt, midnight's not really that bad.

Plus, I mean, a free 50-yarder. You won't get that at USC, will you? Uh, no...