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I See Now That What We Did to Hawaii Was Wrong


by Knowshon Moreno
- - -

First, you should probably read this, via this.
- - -

The night of the Sugar Bowl approximately 8 o’clock I received a handoff in my hands so I proceeded to run for a touchdown as usual. When I got to the end zone, a safety was cussing me and I asked him what the problem was. He said the beating was too hard and asked us to turn it down, so I went back to the sidline and my coaches and I willingly kept myself out of the end zone the rest of the night. After the middle of the third quarter, some other starters and I left the game so we could make sure there would not be anymore humiliations to their big game.

Approximately three hours later we received notice outside a club on Royale Street saying we had violated Hawaii’s dream season with an excessive blowout. We were confused by this notice because this event took place on a football field which is where it’s all right to be knocking heads. My teammates and I are very aware of this. It did not seem as if we were being dominant enough that people could cuss us or fear us on the other sideline; we were merely expressing our excitement to be playing in a big game that night, but not to the point where we making crying in the people around us.

A few of the harmful effects of exposure to Knowshon Moreno and his teammates.
- - -

After taking time to listen about the harmful effects of excessively beating an undefeated team, it was lame and a waste of time, yet educational. It was little ridiculous to stand outside da club and listen about how bad we made Hawaii feel because it is common sense only winners feel good, but I continued to listen about their self-esteem. Self-esteem is considered as an overall self-appraisal of their own worth. This is obviously a correct statement because the Hawaii people did not feel very worthy that night because of my touchdowns. My touchdowns occur continuously throughout everyday and disrupt many people at all costs, like Auburn and Florida. On a more serious note, out excessive blowouts had been tested, and shown to affect the central nervous, immune, cardiovascular and championship selection systems. The disruption of these systems can cause many negative outcomes. Even while undefeated, sudden blowouts can cause stress reactions to the whole body. Being exposed to blowouts over a period of time can lead to certain coaches getting fired or resigning, which I was most shocked by.

In conclusion, I learned a lot about excessive blowouts and their effects on others around me. To show the responsibility that I had gained over this situation I was asked outside da club if I could beat the living dog crap out of the Hawaii clowns talking noise. My answer to this was yes because I can, but I kindly stated that I would not be able to perform this act at the time because I did not want to further disturb someone whose self-esteem I had already severely damaged. If I had the chance to experience this whole situation again I would have kept myself out of the game after the first quarter and inform my teammates to keep the beating down. I put much though into my actions and I discovered that if I was beaten by several touchdowns I would be upset too, especially if I barely got the ball. Overall, the moral of the circumstances that took place in the Superdome one past New Year’s Eve is, beat others as you would like to be beaten. I am sorry for ruining a smaller program’s once-in-a-lifetime season and therefore I’ll be facing a much better team in the BCS next year.

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shockingly similar to many papers i have had to grade

but where’s the standard introduction from the dictionary and the obligatory paragraph lifted straight from wikipedia?

by Will McDonald on Jun 12, 2008 2:32 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Or...

Or, there’s the painfully generic opening statement route (“Since the beginning of time, man has had to deal with noise…”) and the closing paragraph that starts with “As you can see…”

I’m almost shocked that his paper wasn’t exactly five paragraphs long.

by Year2 on Jun 12, 2008 2:56 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Actually...

Having graded high school seniors and heard so many horror stories about writing in college, for a football player obviously giving no effort, it didn’t strike me as that bad. Spellcheck-proof typos notwithstanding. At least it was intelligible.

by SMQ on Jun 12, 2008 3:29 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Educational - Research Paper/Essay

Dear Mr. Moreno,

In order to complete your educational research paper, please be sure to attach your “Works Sited” page, and be certain the sources you “site” are only from Wikipedia, or an obscure Pakistani version of WebMD. Also please be advised that his is the fourth time you have failed to submit your research paper in the university’s approved format. Blog posts are not accepted. Please format your paper into double-spaced 12 point Times New Roman font with one inch margins, and submit as an attached word file, as specified by CRB. Please note that your record will remain flagged until this condition has been met.

-University of Georgia Conduct Review Board

by jack641 on Jun 12, 2008 3:28 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Great parody

You are a master, sir.

BTW, when do we get an investigation into why the Georgia tutor did not follow the directions set forth in the mail?

by milevin on Jun 12, 2008 3:46 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

This article is pure B.S.

No one on the Hawaii team said take it easy at any time. Never happened. B.S. Georgia was the best team in the nation and Hawaii finished ranked 17th and never said it was number one. Hawaii has beaten every BCS team but one over the last five years at home. Had Hawaii played Georgia in the west, the outcome would have been closer. Hawaii beats everyone at home, but Georgia and indeed Florida have refused to play at Hawaii. I guess the best thing about the Sugar Bowl was that our fans returned to beautiful Hawaii and your victorious fans had to return to, ughhh, Georgia. You can make any excuse you want for refusing to play Hawaii at Hawaii. Your A.D. already declined the invitation. Make any excuse you want and they are all covered in feathers. Chicken feathers. Now let’s hear those excuses once again. We have heard them all.

by Stosh001 on Jun 12, 2008 6:29 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Don't mind him

I’ve had my own run-in with this guy. He seems to be on the warpath this offseason. It’s the same “chicken feathers,” “how come no one will play in the islands?” schtick over and over.

Also, spot-on SpartanDan.

by Year2 on Jun 13, 2008 10:28 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

whiff

Don’t come here much, eh?

by Crawtator on Jun 12, 2008 9:47 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

MSU discontinued the series because: 1) your players took a cheap shot at our QB while we were beating the hell out of you, 2) your coach pretended it never happened, 3) those two combined to lead to a 15-minute “Fuck Hawaii” chant from the student section, and 4) the referees on the islands are almost as crooked as NBA refs (needing two wins to be eligible for the hometown bowl game in ‘04, the refs called 235 yards worth of penalties against the visitors in those games, wiping out multiple long plays and making a mockery of the game to the point that the announcers were looking around for a flag any time the visitor gained more than three yards and acting astounded on those rare occasions that there wasn’t one).

No one is going to travel across five or six time zones to have to play 11-on-18, and no one is going to invite back a guest who takes cheap shots once they realize they can’t win.

by SpartanDan on Jun 13, 2008 12:29 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Stosh, Stosh, Stosh ...

1. “No one on the Hawai’i team said take it easy at any time.” Except Keenan Williams, when he drew a 15-yard penalty for nearly decapitating Mikey Henderson and then celebrating like he’d won the Powerball. At that point, I was content to watch us keep the starters in for all four quarters and put up three digits.
2. “Had Hawai’i played in the west…” Cry me a river. So it’s everyone else’s fault that Hawai’i wilts like an orchid in the desert the moment they leave the islands? One more reason why you’ve blown your shot at the adults’ table.
3. “Georgia and indeed Florida have refused to play at Hawaii.” Well, after thrashing your smack-talking thug-wannabes by nearly half-a-hundred, only to see the achievement belittled immediately by the national media, exactly what do we gain by spending the time and money to fly an entire football team, coaches, trainers and equipment across five time zones to do the same thing in a stadium the size of Valdosta High School’s? Go ahead and make the ROI case on that one—I’ll hang up and listen.

by aproposdenada on Jun 13, 2008 10:25 AM EDT up reply actions   1 recs

Well played, sir.

A round of Mai Tais on me.

by NCT on Jun 13, 2008 9:04 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

To borrow a line

Have you ever seen the
Blue Ridge mountains boy?
Or the Chattahoochee…
or the Honeysuckle Blue?

Don’t knock Georgia until you’ve tried it.

On second thought, just stay on your volcanic rock and kiss my a’a’ and pahoehoe. Jeez, I may have to pull for Florida now.

by DavetheDawg on Jun 13, 2008 5:06 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Florida losing to Hawaii does nothing for you. Remember, you want the Gators to be ranked as highly as possible so if you beat them, the victory looks great at the end of the season. That’s why you always, always, always root for your conference to win its non-conference games, even if it means pulling for Tennessee when they’re out on the west coast.

by Year2 on Jun 14, 2008 8:31 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

You are far too rational

I know that Michigan’s loss to App State made the Big Ten look bad, but I still enjoyed it. I’ll root for any other team in non-conference games, but not Michigan unless there’s something directly in it for MSU.

by SpartanDan on Jun 14, 2008 9:39 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

i'm with spartandan on this one

Rooting for your rival is always foolish. If beating them when they are 2-9 isn’t as fun as beating them when they are 9-2 then it’s not that big of a rivalry. Maybe it makes you look better, but rivalries are about winning, not looking good.

However, as a Penn State fan I haven’t been entitled to an opinion about rivalries since 2000, except when PSU plays the hated spartans in the epic Battle Of The Land Grant Trophy. I’ll let Dan finish explaining how cut-throat it is. But in the meantime, here is what Penn State fans think about “cheering for your conference to win” (Re: App State):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4nQ9_Z9D1w&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2U15C5Dhdc

this is also awesome:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDFxzAp1Lf8&feature=related

by Kevin HD on Jun 15, 2008 10:48 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

The Land Grant Trophy

Fakest rivalry in sports. For one, as long as JoePa is running the show it’s impossible to actually hate them. Second, we haven’t won at Beaver Stadium in 40+ years (although it’s only been a regular series since 1993).

I don’t know of any MSU fans who hate Penn State, or even any who would put them in the top three on our rivals list (Michigan and Notre Dame are universally there; Wisconsin or Ohio State is usually the third, the former as much because of basketball as football). To the extent it’s a rivalry at all, it’s a friendly one. I think it’s just that when PSU joined, two teams needed to be designated as traditional rivals to play them every year, and we got picked for one of them.

by SpartanDan on Jun 16, 2008 2:14 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Apparently . . .

. . . great minds think alike.

I hadn’t yet read your posting before writing my own parody, SMQ, but this is top-notch work, as always.

Go 'Dawgs!

by T Kyle King on Jun 12, 2008 9:40 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I admire your gumption, sir.

It takes guts, guts I say, to talk smack after the beatdown has already occurred.

My hat’s off to you. We’ll get back to stroking our feathers and our Sugar Bowl trophy now.

by theburningman on Jun 12, 2008 11:56 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

LOL

I’m not sure what’s more amusing: your well-crafted parody or the reactions of people who obviously have no clue what you’re talking about.

Top notch, SMQ.

by Hobnail_Boot on Jun 13, 2008 12:31 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Only before 10pm

Because, while Knowshon can, he politely won’t.

by The Power T on Jun 13, 2008 12:57 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

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