Planned a four day excursion to the Lone Star State based around an old roommate's plans to head out there to find his own roommate.  I said, sure, I'll come along.  I need to wrap up my living situation out there myself.  The problem?  He didn't have a place to stay.  No problem, I have friends there and I know a few folks who wouldn't mind us hanging around for a few days.  If need be, I always had my aunt's place.  Well, long story short, I ended up asking a guy on a blog I hang around at if he had some room, since he had mentioned a few months ago that he had tons of space at his place.  Turns out it was perfect timing; he was leaving for a few days and needed someone to watch his house.  Great!  We headed out a little late Saturday morning, leaving from Hattiesburg, a good middle ground from our respective places of residence.  We decided to take the "scenic route" through west Mississippi and the birthplace of my dear ol' dad, Wilkinson County.  Boring trip, as usual, from there on out.  Pulled into town around 9 PM and swung by Crow's Nest's, uh, Nest.  I had to go feed this guy's cats, so I told Crow we would meet him downtown in a bit.  The guy's house was nice enough, in a cookie-cutter suburb where you have a patch of grass for a front lawn.  Fed the cats, headed to a bar to get rowdy.  Crow and his lovely girlfriend, who works there, are in good with the barkeep, so we proceed to drink massive quantities of beers and force my old roommate to drink shots of Jim Beam Rye, which he obviously couldn't handle with all the beers he had knocked down.  He proceeded to tell Crow and I that the future exists and we proceeded to call him "Future (edit)SMQ" for the rest of the trip and now, the rest of his life.  We headed to the barkeep's place, where his hippie roommate exhibited her talent for never stopping to breathe whilst speaking.  I mean never.  We dicked around on drums and guits for a bit and then headed back north, where we were watching the guy's house.  Drunk now, for sure, we began to root around the house for clues about our new found friend's life(style).  Didn't find much other than a strange picture of him in some kind of robe holding a staff.  A little odd, but nothing to run screaming from the house for.  Wake up Sunday and play a little Futbol on the dude's XBOX in his amply stocked game room.  Head out for some various appointments with potential roommates.  Head out to a little bar to meet Crow and eat a delicious pecan-smoked BBQ sandwich.  Find out the Beast pussied out and are not playing because it's raining and little baby is tired.  Awww.  Bummed out, we head back to get some sleep after a night of non-drinking.  Wake up Monday to find Future SMQ already up and rooting around.  He makes a startling discovery, so startling in fact, that he adds a little drama to the opening of the closet door we were about to peer into and discover our fates.  Slowly and with sweaty palms, I proceed to open the door to reveal a black leather jacket which proudly displayed a Swastika armband painted on the left jacket sleeve.  Welp, that's a sunbitch right there if ere' there was one.  Obviously, we now have major doubts about our new found buddy.  We also know he's coming back in a matter of hours, so we head out intent on staying gone as long as possible.  A few more appointments and then we're off to a great Tex-Mex place for the most delicious chicken enchilada that has ever passed these mortal lips.  A few beers and we decide to find a good dive bar for more drinking.  Another stroke of luck, we stumble into a bar with the most perfect-tittied bartender this side of the Mississip, I mean bam! Right there in your face.  She proceeds to tell us that since the band didn't show up that night there would be free pool, darts and shuffleboard in the back all night.  Didn't need to persuade us.  Began a truly heroic night of drinking and I even had a little sympathy for Future SMQ, only forcing him to down shots of Jim Beam Black this time.  After beer number 10 and shot number ? we decided to attempt a quiet entry into our Nazi friend's house.  He had been calling and texting SMQ and I to ask when we'd be back and we were quite scared, even in our inebriated state.  In honor of our bartender, we proceeded with our own rendition of "I.L.B.T.'s" by Joe Walsh (those "in the know" dig me) during the short drive back to help calm our nerves.  Nazi-Guy was asleep when we snuck in, but alas, he soon disturbed us with his company.  Decked out in nothing but boxer shorts, he proceeded to sprawl out on the floor in front of us, calling us "babe" numerous times.  After nearly vomiting from the almost-sight of his Nazi testicles, we were relieved when he told us he was calling it a night.  Ah, but before he hit the hay, he informed us he would be talking to us in the morning about "roommate" stuff.  Uh-oh.  The next morning (in reality, about two hours later at 6:30 AM), I was woken up by pounding at the front door.  I kept my eyes closed as I heard a grizzly voice address Nazi-Guy and inform him he was to be out of the house by 8 AM the following morning or he would be forced to "throw your shit on the lawn myself."  Ah, new revelations.  Nazi-Guy was being evicted.  Well, as Nazi-Guy sank his head into his hands on his back porch, most likely contemplating suicide, I joined Future SMQ in the computer room for a few additional hours of anxiety-ridden sleep.  My panic-attack stricken mind began to tell me that this guy is desperate and that desperate guys, especially if they are Nazis, do desperate things.  We need to get out of this house and never return.  As Future SMQ exited the computer room to head to the bathroom, he was confronted by Nazi-Guy who proceeded to nervously explain to him that he needed a roommate.  Future SMQ, in a show of ballsy-ness, essentially told Nazi-Guy to fuck off.  Nazi-Guy then scampered away to his job and told us he'd be back around 5 or 6.  We, however, would most certainly not be back.  After meeting Crow for lunch at another wonderful Tex-Mex place, where I had a wonderful real beef enchilada with authentic Mexican Roja sauce, we headed off to catch a flick.  Knowing it was Texas Tuesday's at the local watering hole, I then convinced Future SMQ to head there for even more drinking escapades.  After another 5 or 6 wonderful Texas beers, Crow called us up to come join us in our Texas Tuesday.  We explained to him our situation and he graciously, without our asking, offered up his place to stay.  You see, we had already packed up all our gear and put it in Future SMQ's car.  We were willing to sleep in it if we had to.  After another couple beers, we headed over to the bar where Crow's girlfriend works for a few more and then to this Jazz club for even more.  We then headed out to watch "The Holy Mountain," but that was cut short by Future SMQ's passing out.  We needed sleep anyway for the terrible drive that awaited us in a few hours.  Got some great, non-Nazi paranoia sleep and headed back to the beautiful Gulf Coast.