Results are in for the Paterno Photoshop contest, and, much as SMQ would like to recognize the efforts of every hardworking citizen across this great land we call America dedicated to satirical snark at the expense of elderly icons, he just picked the first two submissions to his inbox. Because they were amazing. Way too amazing to open or even receive any others, such was the inherent, overwhelmingly spectacular nature of these paragons of subversive artistic brilliance.

Like that of Jimmy Clausen, such an intro dooms its subjects to the callous failure of high expectations, but unlike young Clausen, good satire yields not to impending disappointment.

Okay, now the reader is commanded to forget all that. First up is the street-smart, hip hop balla theme of Richard Brandon Larrabee, a person who possesses Photoshop, whatever, exactly, that actually is:

Somehow, we all knew that was how JoPa rolled, right? Note, though, the coach has dissolved a teaspoon of Centrum in the bottle to "complete" the experience.

On a related note, before moving on to Entry #2, read this about Paterno's, um, experience during Penn State's trip to Columbus in September, and remember the submission comes from Buckeye fan Josiah Tindor, late (for now) of The Buckeye Expat:

Despite its impressive size, the bottle was originally projected as a walk-on before the Lions lost out on New York defensive lineman John Ferrara last January, but the ol' coach thinks Pepto has proven to be a scholarship-worthy addition to the team, after all.

Thanks, everyone who sent or thought about sending in a disrespectful misrepresentation of Joe Paterno. SMQ is sincere when he says such efforts are integral to a Sunday well-spent.